Letting Go in the New Year

I don’t make New Year's Resolutions. I used to. I would write down everything I wanted to change, do, and be. I set the New Year goals that I wanted to accomplish. If I am being honest, as soon as I started writing them down, I knew I would probably never do them. I would start the year with what I thought was a commitment to get them done, but as time passed, I slowly began making excuses for why I didn’t need to do it. I was injured, so exercise stopped; at a party, they made exceptional food, and I didn’t want to hurt their feelings by not eating it, and one I always depended on, I could skip today and start again tomorrow.

I could visualize being 40 pounds lighter, wearing a beautiful red dress that showed off my smaller waist. I would walk into the room, and heads would turn. People would come up to me and say, “Wow! You look great!”  My home would be organized, and everything would have its place.  No clutter. Clean floors and windows. My closet would be organized by season and color, and I would walk in and find whatever I wanted without the stress of looking everywhere for the shirt I wanted to wear. I would finally have the courage to write that book I have talked about most of my life.

I saw that my friends would set their goals for the new year and usually complete most of them. I was always jealous that they had the drive and initiative to do it. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I do the same? After a few weeks of not doing what I set out to do, my negative self-talk started, and some things I said were pretty harsh. I am so lazy! I am not like them; they are better than me. I will never do these things because I am not capable. This is just how it is, and I must live with it.

After years of living like this, I decided there was no point and completely stopped making resolutions. What was the point, anyhow? I was never going to do them.

Sometime in the mid-2000s, we spent New Year’s Eve with a couple we were friends with. It was getting close to the strike of midnight, and they pulled out some grapes and pieces of paper. I had no idea what they were doing and thought it was strange. They explained each grape is for one month of the upcoming new year. Eating the grapes represents good luck for the next 12 months. You begin eating one grape at the first stroke of midnight and another at each stroke until you have consumed all 12. The pieces of paper were not for writing down your resolutions but for writing down all the things you want to let go of, such as old habits, regrets, or anything that no longer serves you. You then light them on fire to burn up in a fireproof bowl, making space for something new.

It wasn't easy thinking of things to let go of. That evening, my list was simple: smoking, procrastination, and bad diet habits. In my future lists, I became more creative: negative self-talk, unhealthy comparisons, living in the past, and unrealistic expectations. The results from this change made so much difference. I allowed space for positive change and personal growth instead of focusing on negative patterns that made me feel like a failure. My life began to change, and I started seeing the good in me and believing in life's possibilities.

Making these little changes led me to other opportunities, which increased my awareness and helped me learn more about living life on my terms. I learned to be who I am without worrying about others' perceptions. I became more honest with myself and others about my needs and wants.   

As we enter this new year, let’s focus on releasing old habits and making room for growth, joy, and authenticity.

I hope this year will provide you with opportunities that align with your true self. Let it be a year of healing, discovery, and the possibilities that arise when we let go of what holds us back.

Here’s to a fresh start, not through what we tell ourselves we need to do but through freedom and self-compassion. Happy New Year! May it be the best chapter in your journey so far.

With much love and gratitude,

Tonya